Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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