dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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