the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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