By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!