You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.