Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them