I just made out with a guy for $7.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."