Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.