Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize