did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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