remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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