just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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