Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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