having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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