I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
