even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
