I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
