At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
