I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Come on in and take your pants off
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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