My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
