if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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