see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
