Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
