I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
