He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
