Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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