I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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