She is in my trunk
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
