Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
