Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
