Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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