the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
