Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
