pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize