I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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