I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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