he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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