They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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