I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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