i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
