how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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