Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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