last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
