dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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