I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
