new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize