a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
