Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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