I must be too annoying 4 u.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This is the high leading the old right now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
