Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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