so explain again why im purple
no
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
