I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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