omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sext me about skeletons
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
