We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
