Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize