he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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