Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
