Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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