Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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